After the rain
by Mystik Genie
Summary: After the rain fall there is always a rainbow, always hope through the hard times. But what do you do when you've never had a rainbow, and have no hope for the future, when your whole life is one tragedy after another, what then? Angsty Naruto monologue


Note: I started this like last year, but I put off writing it because I was really happy (and still am now just so you know) so I found it a bit hard to get into character for it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, though you'd think since this website was FANfiction, it would be implied

Warning: angry emo Naruto and use of the f-word

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They say after the rain falls there will always be a rainbow, same way they say every cloud has a silver lining. I guess some people just want to believe that no matter how bad something appears something good always comes from it, that things aren't as bad as they seem.

But I can't believe that, not quite at least, it seems to have been raining my entire life, there's been no time for rainbows, simply because it won't stop raining long enough for the sun to shine and a rainbow to appear. Sometimes my life isn't always messed up, I don't want to sound emo, but the only thing I receive is the calm before the storm, a moments peace before something bad happens around me. In all honestly I look forward to those moments, I can pretend everything is alright, those brief moments of stillness are probably the best I'm going to get.

And I can't help but get angry at this, it's not fair, it's not fucking fair! Everyone else has their rainbows after the storm; everyone else has their silver linings! But not me! Why does life have to be so fucking hard!

I don't see why I get all the blame and the hardship, I try so hard to be recognised and appreciated, but things still aren't going right for me. My one dream of becoming Hokage could never be mine, even If I proved myself stronger than everyone in Konoha put together, even if I prove myself by sacrificing my life for the village, the council would never allow it. They'd seek to control and destroy me rather than put me in a position of power, they would never give honour to a demon. Besides, how could someone who can't even bring his best friend back ever deserve to be Hokage.

That's what gets me the most, how could he leave us, leave me, I made a promise to Sakura-chan I would bring him back, and I can't go back on my word. That is my way of the ninja, if I can't hold my promises I don't deserve to be a ninja, and I don't deserve those I make the promises to. I think maybe I have to face the truth, Sasuke is gone and he won't be coming back, at least not like I want him to, sooner or later we will be turned completely against each other and we'll have to fight. And I don't think I could do that, I'm too weak against him and not just because he can control the Kyuubi with his sharingan. I wouldn't be able to protect the village if he attacked, I really don't deserve to be become Hokage.

Sometimes I wonder why my life is like this, couldn't I have had a normal life without the Kyuubi, maybe I'd still have my parents then, I could know what it feels like to be loved, and maybe Sasuke and I would be friends still. Maybe I'd be respected and not despised by all the villagers; I wouldn't be a monster or the Kyuubi vessel.

Because that's all I'll ever be to them, a monster, a demon; they only ever see the Kyuubi, they will never see anything else no matter what I do. That won't ever change.

Sometimes I don't know why I bother, should I just give up, should I do what they expect and be the Kyuubi, they'd be screaming for protection from a strong Hokage then. If you treat a person like an animal for long enough that is what they become, do they truly want me to be like that? To be the Kyuubi, to bring destruction, to become the very thing they fear the most.

The Kyuubi, that damn demon fox, he talks to me, says I should surrender myself to him, he could give me the power to destroy all of those who ever hurt me, punish them for what they have done to me. And every time I see their looks of hatred, it makes me angry, and my anger makes him stronger, soon I fear I won't be able to control him. And what I fear the most is that I won't want to control him; that I would freely give myself into his power. I would be powerful, I couldn't be ignored then, and everyone would know me and they would fear me, be in awe of my power. All would be loyal for fear I could destroy them.

Ha! I could destroy them all if I wanted, but then I still wouldn't be happy, I wouldn't be where I wanted to be. Fear isn't respect, and loyalty isn't love.

So where's my silver lining in that? Where's my rainbow? All I can see is clouds and rain, and that all I've ever seen, and that's all I ever will see. I don't know about you, but I'm still waiting for the rain to stop.

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The End!

Please review! Even if just to tell me off for being emo and ruining your happy day.


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